The Wringer
Written by Brandon S. Thompson
Dec. 9, 2001
~
Dedicated
to my mother, who lovingly showed me how to avoid all of this nonsense.
The
play begins with the characters, chosen entirely by the creative element of the
production (As no characters have been defined by me, however spaces have been
left to insert the names of the characters or actors of your chosing so to keep
track of whose line it is) in what seems to be a very long tableau. Most of the
entrances and exits are up to the "element" as well. For instance,
the characters the play starts with don't have to be the same as the ones to
finish it. There is no set number of characters nor is there a definition for
them enclosed. Artistic Liscence renewed!
- You start.
- I wouldn't know what to say.
- Just tell them how you feel.
- Alone.
- It's a good start.
- Why is that, do you think?
- That's a good question.
- I can't answer it myself.
- It's a question of morals, really.
- More a question of how far you're
willing to go.
- That has nothing to do with it.
- Of course, there's no reason to blame
yourself.
- There's a whole world besides.
- Don't make me face that again.
- You won't be forced.
- Unless you want to.
- Not really.
- Do you know why?
- It's all so big.
- There's too much to learn.
- Can't connect.
- But that's what you like about it,
isn't it?
- I used to, but... it's been a while.
- It's only been time enough.
- I suppose, but that doesn't say a
great deal.
- More then it did when you started,
right?
- In a way.
- Never heals.
- Is that a fact?
- Look at what you've done.
- It's been a long way to the ground.
- Come a long way.
- You shouldn't be ashamed.
- No reason for it, right?
- There's always a reason.
- Can't rightly explain.
- Just go with it.
- Start again.
- Why do I always have to start?
- You just do.
- It's the natural progression of
things.
- Can't think of anything.
- What would you like to say?
- About what?
- It's entirely up to you.
- Life.
- That's good.
- What would you like to say about
life?
- It's a difficult topic.
- Try
- Still can't think of anything.
- Pity
- Though it's understandable.
- It would be very difficult squeezing
an entire eternity of thought into one tiny little, sentence.
- One sentence.
- Is that all I've got?
- It all depends on how you start.
- How I start...
- What if I do it wrong?
- Then you'll just have to go back to
the beginning
- And if I get it right, will I be
allowed to go on?
- In theory.
- It's all very dependant on who's
listening.
- What if it not the right people
listening, or even no one at all.
- Then I'm sure we'll find something
for you.
- I don't think I understand.
- That would be a good start.
- Does that mean I get to say more?
- You were told
- It depends on whose listening.
- But I thought you approved
- That doesn't make any difference
- Someone must have.
- Not true.
- Then why have you let me go on?
- In case someone starts listening.
- You do deserve a chance, after all.
- Really?
- No.
- Is this your first time?
- I'm sorry?
- That sounds like the voice of
experience.
- What do you mean?
- Apologizing is always a good way to
begin.
- No, I didn't mean that I was sorry.
- Then why did you say it?
- I was just saying that I didn't hear
you. I was being polite.
- That's a pity.
- People like apologies.
- Although good manners can often get
you sympathy vote.
- Never-the-less, you should probably
go back to the beginning.
- Why?
- It's the natural progression of
things
- What is that supposed to mean?
- Well, it's in the rules.
- I see.
- Not yet, but maybe someday.
- Is that in the rules?
- No!
- Could you imagine if it were?
- Total anarchy!
- The rules don't seem very fair.
- That's in the rules too.
- Can you tell me what I've done wrong,
you know, for future referrence?
- Nothing.
- Things might just work out better if
you went back to the beginning.
- Do you think so?
- No
- But you haven't got a choice.
- Whatever.
- You start.
- Alright.
- Really?
- Sure.
- Bravo!
- Superb!
- What?
- Great start.
- What was?
- You said, "Alright," and,
"Sure".
- Yes, I did.
- Brilliant!
- You must be paying attention.
- Of course.
- Amazing.
- You're stunning.
- So confident.
- So positive.
- People could start listening
- Really?
- It's definite if you keep this
up.
- That's great!
- I think you might be ready
- Sooner then expected as well.
- Have you been prepped?
- Do you know how to go on from here?
- How to handle things from now on?
- I suppose.
- Great.
- When would you like to get started?
- As soon as possible I guess.
- Excellent.
- How would you like to start things
off?
- I don't know.
- Well, now you've lost it.
- I guess you'll have to go back to the
beginning.
- What?
- You've ruined it.
- But just a moment ago I was ready.
- Well, not anymore.
- That's the rules.
- So, what would you like to say?
- Can't think of anything.
- You have to say something
- Why?
- Well, it's a rule.
- Again with the rules.
- Usually.
- Then, you decide.
- That's impossible.
- It just doesn't work that way.
- You can't have other people taking
responsability for your actions.
- Then, can't I just opt to say nothing
then?
- Only if you vow silence.
- Is that the only alternative?
- In theory.
- Then, I vow silence.
- For what reason?
- Reason?
- Yes, you can't just vow something
with no reason.
- Fine.
- Is it religious?
- No.
- For love or honour?
- No.
- Have you broken a law?
- No.
- Is it sacred tradition, then?
- No.
- Then you haven't got the right to vow
anything.
- That doesn't make any sense.
- Why not?
- It just can't be allowed.
- It would seem indecent.
- Not to mention unfair.
- I thought that was one of the rules.
- Where ever did you get that idea?
- Now you have to go back to the start
again.
- What! Why?
- Nobodies listening.
- I see.
- Stop saying that
- It's unhealthy.
- What should I say then?
- What would you like to say?
- I don't know.
- That's good.
- It'll catch some attention.
- Would you consider saying it again?
- Only louder?
- After all, people are taking notes.
- Does that mean people are listening?
- Not even!
- Then why should I say it again?
- You don't need to say it now.
- It just might be good to remember it.
- In case you get in trouble.
- Why would I need it?
- Who knows
- Maybe you'll figure that out
- Until then, you can start again.
- Why do I always have to start?
- You just do.
- Then, how should I start.
- How would you like to start?
- Simple.
- It'll work as well as anything else
- Go ahead.
- Can't think of anything.
- Nothing?
- Well, nothing worth saying.
- How do you know?
- Instinct
- Do you think that's good enough?
- I suppose not.
- Then don't take claim to know things
you haven't the first clue about.
- Try again.
- Nothing.
- Actually nothing or just nothing
important?
- Actually nothing, I've lost my train
of thought now.
- Get it running again then.
- Can't.
- Try a little harder.
- How am I to do that?
- Buckle down.
- Set your mind to it.
- Concentrate.
- No distractions.
- No distractions?
- Exactly.
- I'm not sure that such a thing
exists.
- Minimal distractions, then.
- Ready?
- Yes.
- Go!
- Nope.
- Nothing?
- Yup.
- Still.
- Can't blame me for not trying.
- And why not?
- Everyone else has excepted
responsablilty
- Why should you be any different?
- Well, I did try.
- What has that got to do with it?
- I thought it was sort of a big
factor, actually.
- Prove it?
- What?
- Prove you tried.
- Can't.
- Exactly.
- All that work and nothing to show for
it
- Life is tough.
- Not for some.
- Was for me.
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
- Need to talk about it?
- No.
- Want to talk about it?
- Not really.
- Then, will you talk about it?
- Not if I don't have to.
- What's the worry?
- No worry, it's just a very
uncomfortable topic for me.
- Why?
- Not sure.
- Afraid someone might be listening.
- Not at all.
- People might listen to something like
that.
- They need to
- They want to
- And friend, if you tell all, they
will!
- Really?
- Depends.
- On?
- Were you abused?
- No.
- Not mentally?
- No
- Or physically?
- No.
- Sexually?
- No.
- How about emotionally?
- No.
- Remotely, even?
- I guess I was abused a little bit, if
you want to go into it, but really no more then anybody-
- That's good
- Let it out.
- Who did it?
- Was it Mom?
- No
- Dad?
- Brothers or sisters?
- Didn't have any.
- Distant relative?
- No.
- Close relative, then?
- No.
- Schoolmates?
- I suppose they did, a little.
- What did they do?
- Just teased me mostly.
- Won't hold up!
- Can't be used
- Stricken from the record.
- Why?
- Simple.
- It's just the natural progression of
things.
- It's in the rules, I'll wager.
- Good.
- You're learning.
- But, unfortunately, nobodies
listening now, so you'll have to start again
- Can I start with a question?
- You just have.
- Good point.
- Do you plan to follow up with another
question?
- I was considering it, yes. Can I ask
another question before I go into my original question?
- In theory.
- Okay. Will you answer this
aforementioned original question?
- Eventually
- What do you mean, eventually?
- Is it a yes or no question?
- If it was could you answer it right
away?
- Often.
- And if it isn't?
- Then it will be assigned a number and
it will be answered based on it's
difficulty level, length, context
and, of course, the order in which it was
asked in conjuntion with all the
other questions.
- Well, how long would that take?
- Oh!
- Most people don't live that long.
- Then what's the point in asking the
question to begin with?
- Don't you have a question you've been
just dying to know the answer to?
- Well, of course, everyone does. But,
why would I bother to get my hopes up
towards an eventual answer when I
may not get it until I'm lying
on my death bed, if at all.
- For some people, that's enough.
- What if I plan ahead?
- How do you mean?
- What if I asked a question for future
generations to recieve
- That can't happen
- Why not?
- You would have to sign for it when it
came.
- Me personally? No one else could do
it for me?
- No. It has to be the question's
asker.
- However, if you were to recieve it
in time, you could always give it away.
- Alright, well, what are the chances
of that?
- Slim.
- Very slim.
- But, there is a chance?
- Frankly, no.
- So, what was your question?
- Well, I'm not going to be asking it
now.
- Pity, why not?
- If I never see the answer, then,
what's the point?
- As previously stated, for some
poeple, it's enough.
- It isn't enought for me. Although I
can kind of understand it. The
option might give someone a goal in
life. I mean, if they know that there is
a true answer to their question,
then perhaps one could find it his or herself.
- Who said anything about a "true
answer".
- So the answer they've spent their
whole lives waiting for may not even necessarily be correct.
- Precisely.
- I guess I won't be starting with a
question, then.
- Unless it's yes or no.
- What does that mean, "Unless
it's yes or no?"
- You've been told, yes or no questions
can sometimes be answered right away.
- Really.
- Yes.
- You did say that, didn't you?
- Yes.
- By God, you're right!
- Well, not by God I'm not, but nobody
else needs to know that.
- So I could start off with a yes or no
question and possibly get an answer?
- In theory.
- That's good to know.
- ... Well?
- Well what?
- What was your question?
- Oh. Can't think of anything.
- Then you're just going to have to
start again.
- I don't really see a point this time.
- Oh?
- Why is that?
- Because I know I'm not going to be
able to think of anything.
- You don't even want to try?
- Nope.
- Really?
- It's a complete waste of time.
- Complete?
- Entirely.
- You don't know that.
- I'll just have to start again
eventually anyways.
- So, you don't want to have to go back
to the beginning?
- Not especially.
- That's not going to work.
- Not even remotely.
- Why?
- Well, you can't just not start again.
- It's imposssible.
- Well, what if I went to the middle
without needing to start at all?
- How do you propose to do that?
- You haven't really thought that
through yet.
- Quite obviously.
- Surely it must have been done before.
- Never
- Not even once.
- There's no record of it.
- Well, there wouldn't be, would there?
- Explain.
- If everything was half way through,
then you wouldn't be able to start recording anything.
- That's true.
- Then, by that stream of thought, it
may have happened before.
- In theory.
- Can I try that then.
- it couldn't hurt.
- Back to the middle then.
- You're move.
- Can't think of anything.
- Guess it isn't possible then.
- Guess not.
- You'll have to try it from the
beginning again.
- Do I have to start again?
- Of course.
- Why shouldn't you?
- I've already started a lot.
- Then maybe you should try it another
way
- I've done that already.
- Then, this time, try being forceful.
- Like how?
- Be assertive
- That ought to catch some attention at
very least
- Really?
- In theory.
- Okay. I think...!
- Continue.
- I feel...!
- Yes, go on.
- I want....!
- That's good, keep going.
- Can't think of anything.
- Not going to work.
- Can't think of anything!
- An exclaimation point won't change
anything
- People don't generally like that kind
of negativity.
- Nobody will listen to that kind of
outlook
- They just won't buy it.
- Even with gusto?
- Especially with gusto.
- Then how should I go about doing it?
- Good question.
- Be firm
- But soft.
- Stern
- But understanding.
- Honest
- But not blunt.
- Strong
- Yet yielding.
- I'm not sure if I could do that.
- Then why don't you start?
- Why don't you start, if you're so
good?
- Can't right now.
- It's in the rules
- Then can you help me out?
- In theory
- How do you feel?
- Fine
- Fine, like how?
- What do you mean "Like
how?"
- What do you mean "Fine?"
- I don't follow.
- Then lead.
- What are you talking about?
- How did you mean fine?
- Fine as in the slang sense; Sexually attractive
- Or fine in first sense, which suggest
thin, like a string of thread
- Or fine as in a debt owed.
- How would I feel a debt owed?
- You don't know the half of it.
- Okay then, why would I mean that?
- And that's what your being asked.
- Or did you mean "fine" as
in alright?
- Alright.
- Well, which was it?
- What?
- How did you mean it?
- I told you, fine as in good.
- You feel good?
- Yes.
- Good like angelic?
- Or good as in state of events
- Or good as in happy or content
- Whatever. Good as in good.
- Noted
- I'm not sure if this is working.
- What about it?
- The part where you question
everything I say.
- Then why don't you try asking the
questions.
- Really?
- No.
- That's too bad.
- Why, did you remember your question?
- No.
- Then what would you have asked?
- Honestly?
- If it suits you.
- Nothing important.
- You've been told, you shouldn't be
judging that.
- What authority have you got?
- I don't know.
- Are you a minority of some kind?
- Not that I know of.
- Well, are you an activist, then?
- No.
- Are you political?
- I don't even vote.
- Are you religious.
- Can't really say so, no.
- Are you a homosexual?
- I don't think so.
- Are you-
- Wait, you don't think so.
- No.
- But your not sure?
- Well-
- Do you often dream about sexual
encounters with one or more people of the same gender?
- I don't really remember any, but
dreams are so el- (usive)
- Have you ever had a sexual encounter
with anyone of your own gender?
- Why does any of this matter?
- Because if you're different you need
to be dealt with accordingly.
- So have you or have you not had these
kinds of sexual encouter?
- I don't much like this line of
questioning. What if I'd said I was religious.
- But, you didn't.
- No, but I'd like to now.
- Did you convert?
- I suppose.
- Just now?
- Yes. Just now.
- To what?
- I'm not sure.
- Islam?
- Judaism?
- Buddhism?
- Wicca?
- Christianity?
- Yeah, that one.
- What denomination?
- I don't know, the one closest.
- Closest to what?
- Me, I guess.
- What does this have to do with you?
- Well, it is my religion, isn't it?
- No, it's the worlds religion.
- You're just borrowing it.
- Oh. Then, I'm not sure which
denomination.
- Then, are you implying that you
choose to practice unorganized religion.
- Sure, why not?
- Can't be filed then?
- What! But I've turned a new leaf. I
swear I have.
- Won't hold up, sorry.
- Conclusion:
- You have no authority on the matter.
- What matter was it again?
- It doesn't matter now since you
haven't any authority on it.
- Start again.
- Alright.
- It's been done.
- It's old news.
- Well, it worked once, you've got to
at least give me credit for the effort.
- That is certainly not true!
- Back to the begining for you.
- How unnerving.
- You start.
- Again?
- It's the natural progression of
things.
- And what's the unnatural progression
of things?
- That's a very good question.
- Well, are you going to answer it?
- Depends.
- On what?
- The context of the question.
- It's order in line.
- It's length.
- Not this again.
- First things first.
- How did you mean the question?
- I don't know, I meant it how I said
it, I guess.
- And how was that?
- You tell me.
- Well, did you mean it as a question
you actually want answered?
- Or?
- Or did you mean it as a proposition?
- A propostion for what?
- In that case, there is no unnatural
progression of things.
- You're lying!
- Impossible.
- It's against the rules
- I don't care what it is, I'm
absolutely sure that you were leading into something and I want to know what.
- Did you just say that you don't care
about the rules?
- Yes, I suppose I did, why?
- Am I to imply from this that you were
propositioning?
- Towards what?
- The unnatural progression.
- But I thought you just told me that
unnatural progression doesn't exist.
- Wel, that was before I knew your
opinion on the rules.
- Oh! Then, Yes I was.
- Well, there are things then.
- Which things?
- Things you could do to get ahead.
- Like what?
- Everything has it's price, you know.
- It isn't just a saying.
- Well, what's your price then?
- What have you got.
- Nothing really.
- As in not a thing?
- How many other ways can it be taken?
- You haven't lost everything, have
you?
- Should I have started with something
to lose, then?
- Not necessarily.
- Did you?
- No.
- Oh.
One of those.
- Start again.
- But, how can I-
- Shut it.
- Start again.
- Oh my God!
- God!?!
- What?
- Where?
- You're not a holy man, are you?
- Define, "Holy."
- You are, aren't you?
- Not literally.
- Not.. literally.
- Would that change your opinion?
- Well, if you are holy, even after a
fashion...
- Does that thought frighten you?
- No!
- But, God isn't angry about all of
that, is He?
- How should I know?
- You said you were a holy man.
- I never did.
- Then what was that whole thing about?
- I was just leading you on.
- That was a cruel thing to do.
- I know it was.
- So, your not a holy man?
- I guess that depends on your opinion,
but, I guess the answer might have to be no.
- Well, you should be.
- Isn't it about time for me to start
over?
- It should be, but people are actually
listening now.
- Really?
- In theory.
- Wow! That was pretty easy. Maybe I
should be a preacher.
- Do you believe in God?
- Not especially.
- Really? Then you may be able to coax
people into sending you money.
- Can you act religious?
- If provoked.
- Perfect.
- A form is in order.
- If you think it'll work.
- Why wouldn't it?
- It's the natural progression of
things.
- Sounds great.
- Could you be a little more sullen
then that?
- Sounds great.
- That's very good.
- You could qualify as a catholic.
- How angry can you be?
- Can you accuse well?
- Well enough to be a catholic? I doubt
it.
- Don't be so sure.
- They already believe everything is
their fault.
- Alright, we need to make a list of
skills.
- Angry
- sullen
- Cruel
- Faithless and possibly shameless
- Greedy
- I didn't say anytjing about greedy.
- Stricken from the record.
- You could be a television evangelist
with a form like this!
- Great!
- Stop saying that.
- It's undepressing.
- That kind of talk doesn't oppress
anybody.
- But I thought religion was supposed
to set people free.
- Well, it was, but that's all over
with now
- Really? When did that happen?
- You just don't get it, do you?
- I'm sorry.
- Well, now you've lost it.
- I thought I was perfect for the job.
- That's all over with now!
- Why?
- You went and got hopeful.
- I see.
- Not now you don't.
- Start again.
- I'd much rather stop this time, thank
you very much.
- You don't have that option yet.
- I don't? When will I get it?
- You will be finished when you've been
placed properly and appropriatly
- I see.
- No, again, you don't. And with the
attitude you've been showing you never will.
- I don't like where this is going
- Going?
- Yes, if I understood correctly.
- Well, how did you understand?
- If I heard you right, I'm just going
to keep doing this until a proper role has been placed on me, squarely.
- Then you've misunderstood.
- No ones said anything about roles.
- Yes you did.
- Couldn't have.
- Imposing roles is against the rules.
- Yeah?
- Certainly.
- Poeple would stop listening.
- Well, what if I stopped listening?
- Inconcievable.
- No, it isn't. I'm sure I could stop
listening whenever I felt like it.
- How do you propose your going to do
that?
- I could just start ignoring
everything that's said to me.
- Do you claim ignorance, then?
- Good idea. Yes. I would like to claim
ignorance.
- Claim noted.
- The defandant would like to plea
ignorant
- On what charge
- Choice of action
- And?
- Ignorance on random accounts.
- Present all known evidence.
- Says "I don't know" often.
- And the defendant has done this in
the past, as well?
- Frequently and on all records.
- Presently?
- No account of.
- Jury, what is your verdict?
- Innocent.
- There results:
- Negative
- Adjourned
- You'll have to start again now.
- But, I thought I was innocent.
- Yes, indeed you are.
- Innocent of being ignorant.
- Meaning your suspension is hence
forth terminated.
- Hold on.
- Start again.
- Wait.
- Not until you go back to the
beginning.
- Can't.
- Why not?
- I have to pee.
- Oh. That might present a problem
- It will?
- Certainly.
- Well, you can't not let me go.
- Who told you that?
- It's a basic freedom!
- In theory.
- And I suppose that means there's a
chance that it isn't.
- You can't do it publically.
- I wouldn't want to anyways.
- And you can't just leave.
- Even for a pee break?
- People will definitely stop listening
then!
- They're probably not listening now
- True, but what if they wanted to start?
- You would be losing out
- So, what should I do?
- You could always request a hold over.
- That absurd! I only have to use the
bathroom.
- I thought you said you have to
urinate, not use the bathroom.
- What's the difference?
- The latter may take some doing.
- May take weeks.
- Months even
- But I have to piss now!
- That part of it wont take very long
to clear.
- Excepting it gets cleared at all,
that is.
- Would you like to make a formal
request?
- Whatever I need to do.
- Alright.
- Will this take long?
- Depends.
- On what?
- The request.
- I just want to go the washroom.
- See, that may take a while.
- I'm sorry, let me rephrase that. I
want to urinate.
- That one's can be done a lot faster.
- Good. Can I request that then?
- Certainly.
- Request tendered.
- Noted
- Sent
- Recieved
- Declined
- Solutions or suggestions:
- Hold it.
- Hold it?
- That's the verdict.
- You just want me to hold it?
- Yes.
- Does that not work for you?
- I need to go now.
- You can't do that.
- But I need to pee
- Here?
- No, not here. But know that I'm
mighty tempted.
- That would be against the rules, you
know.
- Well, I think we've discussed this.
- There's no record of it.
- Okay, so what if my bladder breaks?
- Then a professional would be notified
immediately.
- Really? You could geta doctor here
immediately if it was needed?
- First of all, no one said anything
about a doctor and second, the professional wouldn't be here immediately but rather just notified to that effect.
- It could take hours
- days
- weeks
- or months for any arrivals
- Months? What if I died before that
happened?
- Well, it may not actually take months
for someone to get here. It was just a notion. It all depends - on who's in line before you and the severity of their
situations.
- If my bladder broke then I'd be on a
fast track to death. How much more severe do you want things to be?
- While it' true that you would
eventually die from it, it wouldn't be immediate.
- There may be someone dying faster
then you.
- It would be awfully selfish to put
yourself in front of someone who was dying faster then you.
- Especially if that person could be
saved.
- Okay, so what about me?
- You would be tended to in an
appropriate time based on the number you've been given and the severity of your situation.
- That's perposterous! Can't I do
anything to prevent that before it happens?
- Being tended to, you mean?
- No! My bladder breaking. Can't I stop
that before it happens and save everyone the hassle.
- You could always request a hold over.
- I did.
- Oh? What was the verdict?
- Hold it.
- Well! That's solved then.
- No, it isn't. I still have to pee...
badly.
- Oh! Have you not learned, in all of
your many years, how to pee skillfully yet?
- What? No, I mean that I'm in serious
need of peeing.
- Is this an emergency, then?
- It's becoming so.
- Then it should be requested as one.
- I want to do that, then.
- Request for emergency urintation
tendered.
- Noted
- sent
- recieved
- Granted
- Verdict:
- You may be excused for a period of 34
seconds, the prealotted time for an emergency urination.
- Where do I go?
- There are temporary exits to the far
left and right placed with your needs in mind.
- You have 34 seconds.
- 34 seconds?! That's it?
- 34!
(The character
at this time begins a closely accurate countdown of the thirtyfour seconds
given, and loudly might I add. The character who needs to pee exits and returns
shortly after his time is up)
- You total time of absence has
exceeded the alotted time for an emergency urination. You must therefore suffer a penalty of negative one.
- Your total total penalty count is
negative one.
- But I was only gone a few seconds
longer then I was supposed to be.
- Precisely the point.
- It's good to see you agree.
- I don't agree. It's insane to think
that a person can pee in only thirty four seconds!
- It is the averaged time that a person
requires for such a duty.
- Says who?
- The board of professionals.
- Come on! Thirtyfour seconds is hardly
enough time for someone to use the bathrom!
- AND you used to bathroom without
authorization?
- That will be another penalty.
- Your total penalty count is negative
two.
- I didn't use the bathroom literally,
it's a figure of speech.
- Please don't use speech figuratively.
- It's against the rules.
- I don't stand to lose any points for
that do I?
- You will however, have to start
again.
- I should have guessed that.
- Can I skip this round instead?
- Pardon?
- Yeah, and maybe the next round too?
- Can you...? No! Of course not
- Why?
- It wouldn't be.. proper.
- Who's going to know?
- That's not the point
- Let me guess, it's in the rules?
- Exactly it, yes.
- Wait, what was the hesitation for?
- What hesitation?
- You must be imagining things.
- It's not in the rules is it?
- Of course it is.
- Don't be stupid.
- Then why are you being so defensive?
- I demand answers.
- No.
- You can't refuse me answers.
- Can too.
- To some questions.
- Well, then I demand to know if that's
a rule.
- You shouldn't demand.
- It's unprofessional.
- I don't care, I want to know.
- Alright, fine.
- What was the question again?
- Is skipping rounds against the rules?
- Yes.
- Truth?
- No.
- Was that no to the truth or no to my
question?
- Yes.
- That wasn't a yes or no question.
- It wasn't?
- No.
- That's the only kind that can be
answered in this fashion.
- You've got to be kidding!
- Never!
- So, it's back to this is it?
- No, people aren't listening now, so
now it's back to the beginning.
- You start.
- How about 'I'll leave?"
- Is that what you want to do?
- Yes.
- Alright.
- Really?
- You're free to go.
- That was easy. Hold on, where are the
exists now?
- Exits?
- If you look there's a good chance of
finding one.
- No pointers though?
- Where there's a will there's a way.
- That was a token answer
- Yes, it was.
- Aren't they all?
- Well, there's got to be a way out.
- In theory.
- How do you leave, then?
- That's not a legal question.
- Who writes these rules?
- Everyone.
- Well, I don't seem to remember having
a hand in it.
- Trust this, you did.
- Why don't you leave the way you came?
- I think that door closed years ago.
- Too bad.
- Come to think of it, there is one
reasoble thing you could try.
- Tell me.
- Leave to your left. Turn right down
the hallway and follow it about ten feet. You should hit an intersection, turn right there. Walk about six feet in
that direction until you find the left corridor. Go down that one about ten feet and then turn right when you can. This is a long
corridor, about forty feet. Turn left at the end of it. It's about three feet until you hit the end of this hallway,
then turn right and go across about fifteen feet. Then turn right and go another eight feet. Turn right again and go another fifteen feet. Turn left
here and follow for about twelve feet and then
turn right at the junction.
- And that will take me out?
- In theory.
- Alright, I'll give it a shot.
(Character
leaves and is gone for only a moment only to return on the other side of the
stage. Try to fill the space)
- What was that?
- You're back
- So soon?
- I never left.
- Yes, you did. You left that way.
- But I didn't get out.
- Why?
- It was the directions.
- What about them?
- Right, then right then right again?
- Right
- Indeed. Then left, right, left and
again, right.
- Right
- Exactly. Then another right, followed
by a right.
- Right.
- Uh-huh. Then a left and finally a
right.
- Right.
- Precisely.
- What about it?
- It's a great, big circle!
- How can that be?
- Circles have no corners and you took
lots of them.
- Alright, well, it's a crooked sort of
loop then, but it's a loop, none-the-less.
- So now what?
- Don't know
- Well, there is one other way
- Really, what is it?
- It's not very pleasant
- But it is the last option
- How do you mean that?
- Well, it's the last option you'll get
should you chose it
- Ever?
- Quite.
- In that case maybe I'll just just sit
back down
- Can't
- You've already resigned
- Then, I'd like to reinlist
- Really?
- Yes
- In that case, sit down
- So, you start.
- Where from?
- The beginning as always.
- I mean is there any place you'd
rather have me start at?
- Physically?
- Yes
- Anywhere is fine.
- So, it doesn't matter where I start?
- It's does matter, but there's no
reason to stop you.
- Oh. I guess I'll just stay here then.
- Are you sure?
- You could move anywhere you like.
- I like it here.
- If that's how you want to present
yourself, then so be it.
- What do you mean?
- Well, why did you stay there?
- Because this is where I started
before.
- There's no imagination to that.
- No innovation at all.
- And completely devoid of initiative.
- Oh, it's not any of those things, I'm
just comfortable here now.
- Laziness then?
- Not at all.
- Then what would you call it?
- I just like this spot is all.
- Are you afraid to leave it?
- No.
- Worried something might happen.
- Nothing would happen.
- That's very confident of you.
- How can you be so sure?
- What could happen?
- Anything.
- It scares some people
- Not me.
- Then why don't you move?
- Fine, I will.
- That's it then?
- I suppose so.
- Do you think the move has helped any?
- Not sure.
- Then, you start.
- Can't think of anything.
- No, doesn't seem to have done a thing
for you, I'm afraid.
- Oh well.
- Before you come back have you had any
boyfriends?
- Pardon?
- Uh, girlfriends?
- What sort of questions are these?
- Noteable ones.
- Have you considered all of your
options?
- What are you talking about? What
options?
- Options regarding your life style.
- No.
- Would you?
- I don't even know the options.
- Then maybe that's why you should
consider them.
- What exactly are you suggesting?
- What exactly are you implying?
- Nothing.
- Would you pose?
- Tell me again what kind of options
these are.
- Life style ones.
- Right.
- So, would you?
- Here?
- It's as good a place as any.
- Well, no then.
- Why not?
- I would feel...
- Go on.
- Stupid.
- Noted.
- Would you consider posing elsewhere?
- Are these the specific options you
were referring to?
- Come now, there not very specific,
are they?
- I suppose it all depends on where.
- And...?
- Who.
- So, your not opposed to the idea all
together?
- I'm not really sure.
- Does the idea repulse you?
- No.
- Does it worry you?
- A little
- Why do you think that is?
- You haven't really given me any
details.
- That's the idea.
- I see.
- No, but you're getting closer
- What other options would you be
willing to consider?
- I don't like where this is going.
- And where would that be?
- Never mind, let's just drop it, okay?
- If you'd like
- Of course, you do know that this will
force you to go back to the beginning, don't you?
- That fine.
- Alright.
- You start.
- I'm not sure I want to.
- Why?
- It disagrees with me.
- What do you mean by disagrees with
you?
- It's begining to upset my stomach and
I'm getting a headache.
- Is it?
- Yes
- Is that all?
- I seem to be losing sleep, also.
- Due to stress?
- Oh, without a doubt.
- Anything else?
- Loss of appetite
- Feeling light headed?
- Now and then.
- You'll have to claim it.
- As what?
- Good question.
- Have you the proper forms?
- No.
- We'll need a professional opinion of
course.
- Will he have the proper forms?
- What do you think this is?
- Forms are standard.
- Oh.
- Note: Call classified ads regarding
the opinion of a professional.
- Noted.
- Sent
- Recived.
- Accepted.
- Removed from regular rotation.
- Que impressive heralding.
- Enter professional.
- Resume normal status.
- How do you plead?
- Insanity.
- Jury states:
- Here here!
- Are you willing to agree to certain
terms?
- What are the terms?
- Question recorded and filed as
number 22136
- Have you any moral objections?
- To what?
- Incomprehensable.
- Answer "Yes" or
"No".
- Have you any moral objections?
- No.
- Ethical objections?
- No.
- Stand up.
- Sit down.
- Please step into the open air.
- Repeat yourself.
- I don't know.
- Bravo.
- Again
- Can't.
- Why not?
- It disagrees with me.
- Insomnia?
- No thank you.
- Offer rejected
- Sarcasm noted and filed.
- Victim status?
- Critical
- Noted and filed under
"Negligible."
- The defense rests.
- Verdict?
- Guilty.
- Sign below and intial.
- What is this?
- Abstract symbolism.
- Can't I just use my vacation pay?
- Do you refuse to sign?
- Warning: Refusal to sign will result
in status removal and benefit rejection.
- Can I at least have a moment to read
it over?
- Personal time requested.
- Estimated time frame requirement:
- Qoute "A moment." End
quote.
- Request being proscessed.
- Over ruled.
- Benefits rejected.
- Filed under "Nugatory"
- Well, I don't really want to sign if
I don't know what it is I'm signing.
- Regardless.
- So what if I want to sign now?
- Benefits rejected, request over
ruled.
- Contract null and void.
- Diagnosis?
- Retrogression.
- Adjourned.
-
Que the impressive departure
accompaniment.
- You start.
- Can't think of anything
- Still?
-
I'm just a little put off by
that last round.
- Yes, but now it's this round.
- Even still, I'm not sure I'll be able
to shake it.
- It was agreed, we move on.
- I realize that. The whole thing just
seems unnerving.
- Very possibly.
- But is that how you want to start?
- Not really.
- Then you should try again.
- I'm afraid that if I did the
beginning wouldn't change much.
- Afraid?
- Frankly, yes. I mean, what if I've
been put off my game indefinetely
- Nonsense. There's still a chance
that may people be listening.
- Really?
- No.
- At least some things never change.
- Everything changes eventually.
- I'm not sure how to take that.
- There's no need to take it, it can be
shared.
- No, I mean that I'm not sure whether
this makes me happy or sad.
- Don't let it make you anything.
- There's no real need to define it
anyways.
- It has a very liberal meaning.
- You could in fact be both happy and
unhappy about it at the same time.
- It all depends on what you take from
it.
- I just want to know why something
can't ever be completely good
- It's just the rules
- The natural progression of things
- Balance, after all, is the key
- Balance?
- Without bad, you wouldn't know good
- In the very beginning maybe I would.
- But, how do we really know when that
was?
- Are you saying that good is derived
from evil?
- No such thing.
- Start again?
- What you do next has got to vanish
beyond the need for the beginning.
- This is pointless.
- Do you want to go back to the
beginning now?
- I'm not so sure anymore.
- And why?
- Doesn't matter.
- Did you just start?
- I don't know, did I?
- You weren't schedualed to start right
then.
- Well, I'm sorry if I did, but I fail
to see why it would matter.
- It matters a great deal!
- What if you had something profound
and inspiring and it wasn't recorded?
- What if all of a sudden you started
realizing this whole mess and nobody heard you.
- You might have missed a huge
opportunity right then.
- Did I?
- That's the thing, nobody can say for
sure.
- It wasn't recorded.
- Here we go again.
- what you mean?
- We didn't go anywhere through out
this entire thing .
- That's exactly it! We haven't gone
anywhere. All we can really lay claims to is talk and a lot of nonsense that's brought us exactly where we're at
right at this very moment. You said sit and I sat, you said stand and I
complied, but that's all it was
worth. I'm no closer right now to understanding all of this then when I
started, but it doesn't mean I
haven't tried. You can ask me to prove it and, it's only too true that I can't,
but it only goes to further my arguement.
No matter how far you say we've come or how much they say we've done or even
how far I'm, told I've gone I
haven't got a single thing to show for it. And what's to come of things at the
end of this? I've been promised nothing but a title and a
role to brand myself with as if that's my lot in life. Much like every other
John, Norm and Sally I've ever
met. It hasn't been a tryst of solace. I wasn't promised exceptence or
happiness or a place in
paradise, just a stamp that someone made, probably before I was even born, to
tell me who I am and that's
supposed to make it all seem alright? I'm no closer to realizing anything then
when I started, so, to me, this has
been all for naught. You can uninlist me, or indite me and send a form out or
whatever you want to do about this
and I'm willing to take a few penalties on it's account, but the statement
stays, for better or for worse.
- Which statement would this be?
- The one I just made.
- That can't be regarded.
- Why not? It's as good a point as any.
- Not true.
- Well, then, what's a better point?
- Don't know.
- Why?
- You havn't said anything to shame it
yet.
- It may be the best thing you've said
to date.
- Shouldn't that, in essence, mean
that somebody is listening now?
- Only, there's no one left to listen
anymore.
- So what should I do?
- Wait.
- For what?
- Someone to return.
- Oh. What should I do till then?
- Till then?
- I'll start.
END